


Am I Dying? (In Which Pidge is Under-educated and Shiro Didn't Sign Up for This)

by Scotty1609



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura and Coran are Horrified by Human Anatomy, Alteans don't have periods, Blood, Feel-good, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk can Cook, Keith has feelings, Lance calls Pidge 'Pidgeot', Lance is a Big Bro, Menstruation, Pidge is Everyone's Little Sister, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, Shiro did not sign up for this shit, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, minor depictions of blood, the wonderful life of vagina-owners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9446054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scotty1609/pseuds/Scotty1609
Summary: And then it all clicked. The stomach cramps, the paleness, the grumpiness, the blood- all of the puzzle pieces came together at once for Shiro, and he groaned loudly, putting his face in his hands. By the nervous laughter Lance was letting loose, Shiro assumed the blue paladin had grasped what was happening as well. Hunk and Keith, however, both still looked much too concerned for Pidge's life.'Why me?' Shiro groaned to himself. 'Seriously, Commander Holt, not you or your genius wife or even your quiznak-ing son ever thought to explain to your daughter...' Shaking his head, Shiro dropped his hands and let out a heavy sigh. “Pidge...” The man trailed Pidge's name off, at a loss for words. 'I did NOT sign up for this when I went on the Kerberos mission...'





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story is COMPLETELY UNPROBABLE, what with Pidge's thirst for knowledge and ingenuity. She definitely in canon would know what a period is and would be 100% prepared, even in space, for the worst...
> 
> But I really wanted to write poor Space Dad having to explain to his Pidgeon child what menstruation is.
> 
> So this fic was born.
> 
> Enjoy!!
> 
> A/N: This fic operates under Pidge introducing themselves to the team as 'a girl', so it is based somewhat in season 1 with little snippets of season 2. In further fics I write, I will most likely always refer to Pidge as either nonbinary or female, but for this fic, I refer to her as female. I'm sorry if this offends anyone!
> 
> WARNINGS: minor depictions of blood, menstruation & periods, minor language(?)

Commander Holt was one of the smartest men Shiro had ever known- probably _the_ smartest man Shiro had ever known. Matt was intelligent as well, and wise beyond his years- although he and the Commander both managed to maintain a playful streak throughout their Kerberos mission. From what Shiro understood about the Commander's family, his wife was an exceptionally intelligent woman as well, a professor of Physics and Astrology.

So _why_ the whole family had _never_ broached the subject with the family's youngest genius, Shiro would _never know_.

The day had started off great. Training went smoothly, even with Lance and Keith at odds the entire time. Hunk enjoyed target practice thoroughly, his destructive side peeping out as he decimated targets. The only strange thing about it all was Pidge. Typically, the girl would be keeping tallies on who one-upped who during training and attempting to knock Shiro over with rapid-fire shin kicks. But that morning, she was moping around and groaning, sitting against the wall and not even trying to hide her grumpiness. When Shiro tried to get her to stand up and spar with him, she whimpered in pain.

Like a switch being flicked, the boys all suddenly gathered around her. Hunk felt her forehead for a temperature, while Lance kept bemoaning space sicknesses. Keith at least tried to hide his concern, but from the way he leaned against the wall right next to Pidge and eyed her carefully, Shiro knew he was tuning in to the girl's body language to make sure she was alright.

Shiro gently pushed the boys out of the way and crouched in front of Pidge. The green paladin had curled up on herself, knees pulled to her chest. Her face was pale, and she had bags under her eyes.

“Pidge?” Shiro barely brushed his fingers across her knee. “Where are you in pain?”

“M-My stomach,” the girl grunted, face contorted in pain. “It-It's not that bad. It just feels like a nasty cramp from running too much.”

“Can you stand up?” he asked her, to which Pidge nodded. When she stood up, Pidge let out a quiet gasp, hand rushing to her gut as she doubled over. Lance and Shiro immediately grabbed her arms, steadying her. “Keith,” Shiro ordered in his commander voice, “get Coran to prep medical.” Before the man finished, Keith was already running off to find Coran. “Hunk, get some water for her.” Hunk rushed off to the kitchen as Shiro and Lance led Pidge towards medical. The entire way there, the green paladin protested that she could walk on her own despite a little stomach cramp, but her teammates weren't having any of it.

Pidge had hardly been settled on the medical table before Coran arrived, Keith and Hunk in tow. Hunk handed a water packet over to Pidge who thanked him as she sipped it.

Coran went through a routine check-up to see whether or not the cryo-pods would be needed. The team tried to avoid using the cryo-pods unless absolutely necessary. The amount of power needed to use said pods and the three-day vertigo they left one with were enough to make everyone want to stay away. Only major injuries like broken bones and open wounds were treated in the pods. Regular sicknesses like stomach bugs and the Altean equivalent to chicken pox- _Snorgarffs_ , Allura had told the others when Lance suddenly caught a fever and sprouted blue boils all over his face- were not harsh enough to call for the help of the cryo-pods.

“Nothing's wrong,” Coran announced once he finished up the examination. “No stomach bug, no virus, no bruised organs. Your levels of estrogen are rather high, but other than that, you are _peachy keen_.”

“Really?” Pidge asked with a frown. Shiro could barely make out the sweat that was gathering below her hairline. “But it feels like someone's stabbing me in the gut!”

“You said it didn't hurt that bad!” Lance accused the green paladin, who merely shrugged in response.

“I can give you something for the pain,” Coran told Pidge. With a twinge of regret, he continued, “Perhaps, though, this may be psychosomatic?”

“No!” Pidge exclaimed, brow furrowed. “I wouldn't make this up.”

“That's not exactly what psychosomatic means, Pidge,” Shiro chided her.

“Whatever,” Pidge waved her hand in the air. “Point it, something _must_ be wrong.”

“Whatever it is,” Shiro assured her, helping the girl stand off the table, “we'll figure it out. Alright? Hopefully it'll blow over by tomorrow.”

And so Coran gave Pidge medicine and an herbal tea for her pain and sent her on her way. Shiro insisted Pidge sit out of their nightly team-building exercises if she was still hurting, and the green paladin readily agreed, retreating to her room where no one would baby her. At the boys' concerned gazes, Shiro tried to convince them Pidge would be fine. It was hard to reassure someone something you didn't particularly believe, though.

Pidge didn't come out of her room for dinner, and upon checking on her, Shiro found that the youngest paladin had fallen asleep over her desk, Rover 2.0 in pieces beneath her. Shaking his head fondly, Shiro lifted Pidge into his arms and deposited her in her bed, making sure to turn the lights off on his way out of the room.

 

…

 

The next morning, everyone meandered into the room for training. Keith was already sparring with a dummy bot by the time Shiro and Hunk arrived, while Lance took his merry time getting ready and waltzed into the room five minutes late.

“Where's Pidge?” Hunk asked the room.

Shiro frowned. “Has anyone seen her this morning?”

“Maybe she's sleeping in?” Lance offered. “I mean, we all know that Pidgeot likes to stay up all hours of the night.”

“No,” Shiro shook his head, “I checked on her last night and she was asleep by ten.”

“Maybe-” Keith piped up, only to be cut off by a sudden rush of panic that ran through the team's Paladin bond. Everyone jumped at the screaming sob that echoed through their minds. Lance slapped his hands over his ears while Keith activated his bayard, slipping into a defensive stance. It was Hunk that cried out, “PIDGE!”

Shiro bolted for the door, the boys on his heels, and sprinted for Pidge's room. The paladins ran past Coran and Allura in the hall, the Altean watching them with wide eyes as they raced by. Lance, being the fastest of the Paladins, came to a screeching halt in front of Pidge's door first. He slammed his fist against the door in what resembled a knock. “Pidge?!” he hollered. “We're coming in!”

The door was locked, of course, and Shiro- ever the calm-headed leader- immediately activated his hand and melted his way through the key pad. The doors slid open, and the four paladins rushed in with their bayards at the ready.

The room was a mess of robot parts and tools, of course, with a few lingering socks here and there. The bed sheets were ruffled up and tossed to the floor, and the bed itself-

Blood. Bright red blood stained the white sheets, a beacon for danger. There wasn't a lot, but it was enough to cause a bolt of fear to rush through Shiro's spine. The black paladin crossed over to the bathroom door, knocking loudly. “Pidge? Pidge! Are you in there?”

Stifled sobs could be heard past the door, which only made Shiro's concern grow. “Pidge,” he spoke calmly, “I'm coming in, alright-”

But before he could even reach for the handle, the door was thrown open and Shiro found himself with an armful of Pidge. Her hair was disheveled, her glasses discarded somewhere unknown, and she was wearing one of Hunk's shirts as a nightgown. As the green paladin burrowed her face in Shiro's stomach, arms wrapped tightly around him, her shoulders shook with violent sobs. “S-S- _Shiro_!” she moaned. “I-I'm _dying_!”

The raw terror in Pidge's voice was entirely sincere, which only made Shiro clutch to the girl tighter. The boys gathered around their leader and teammate, Hunk's hand rubbing Pidge's back while Lance gripped her hand tightly. Keith lingered behind his friends, but the look on his face showed that he would like nothing more than to kill whoever- or rather _what_ ever- that had hurt their little number five.

“Pidge, _Pidge_ ,” Shiro tried to console the girl. “Take a deep breath, alright? In, out. In, out.”

Lance unraveled Pidge's arms from Shiro's torso and forced one of her hands to his chest, breathing deeply in time with Shiro's chanting to get Pidge to calm down. After a few minutes of this- Lance breathing with her, Hunk rubbing her back, Shiro speaking softly to her, and Keith hovered like a mother hen- Pidge began to get her tears under control.

“Now,” Shiro lowered himself to look eye-to-eye with Pidge. “Why do you think you're dying?”

“I- I woke up and there wasn't any more pain like yesterday,” Pidge began her tale, wringing Lance's hand between both of hers nervously. “And then- then I sat up and pulled off the covers and- _blood_ , Shiro! There was blood between my legs and it was _everywhere_ and I couldn't- I didn't- I don't know what's happening!”

And then it all clicked. The stomach cramps, the paleness, the grumpiness, the blood- all of the puzzle pieces came together at once for Shiro, and he groaned loudly, putting his face in his hands. By the nervous laughter Lance was letting loose, Shiro assumed the blue paladin had grasped what was happening as well. Hunk and Keith, however, both still looked much too concerned for Pidge's life.

 _Why me?_ Shiro groaned to himself. _Seriously, Commander Holt, not you or your genius wife or even your quiznak-ing son ever thought to explain to your daughter..._ Shaking his head, Shiro dropped his hands and let out a heavy sigh. “Pidge...” The man trailed Pidge's name off, at a loss for words. _I did **not** sign up for this when I went on the Kerberos mission..._

“Your mom never talked to you about this?!” Lance squeaked, jittering with nerves. “I mean- how _old_ are you, Pidge?!”

“F-Fourteen,” Pidge stammered, tears welling in her eyes again. “But why- what does that have to do with- Shiro, _am I dying_?”

“No, Pidge,” Shiro placed a hand on her shoulder. “You aren't dying. Your mom- or your dad- really never talked to you about... ah, _periods_?”

Hearing Shiro say the word made it click for Hunk and Keith, who both stood staring at Pidge slack-jawed in horror.

“N-No!” Pidge exclaimed. “What does that have to do with the fact that _I'm bleeding_?!”

“Uuuh...” Hunk nervously chattered, rubbing the back of his neck, “I'm not really an expert on this subject, so I think I'm just going to run to the kitchen and cook up some of that chocolate-flavored food goo for Pidge and just kinda hang out there because- well- sorry, Shiro!” The yellow paladin gave a salute before fleeing the room. Keith, mouth opening and closing like a fish, merely gave Shiro a sorrowful look- as though Shiro was about to embark on a journey that led to an imminent death- and quickly followed after Hunk.

“ _Mio dios_ ,” Lance ran a hand through his hair as he looked at his leader. “I mean, I have four sisters, but I _really don't want_ to have this conversation with _Pidge_ \- and- ah-” Glancing sideways at the green paladin, who was sniffling and pulling at the hem of her shirt, Lance winced. “Should I get Allura, or...?”

“It's worth a shot,” Shiro said, and Lance eagerly ran out of the room. Left alone with a sobbing young girl, Shiro wanted nothing more than to flee the scene. He was a twenty-six year old man, dammit, and he couldn't even tell this poor girl that what was happening to her was natural? That it was a horrible, irreversible thing that would occur to her once a month for the rest of her long life? The Galaxy Garrison didn't prepare him for this. Fighting space aliens and piloting a giant mechanical lion- those were things that Shiro could cope with- but sitting down a fourteen-year-old girl and explaining _menstruation_ to her was another battle entirely.

But he had a duty to this poor girl, as horrible a duty as it was, and when they found Commander Holt and Matt, he would surely make them pay for the trials he had to go through for Pidge's sake. But for now...

Shiro led Pidge over to the bed, sitting her down far away from the small bloodstain, and sat next to her. Pidge reached for her glasses on the bedside table, putting them on as she stared up at Shiro cluelessly.

“Alright,” Shiro heaved a sigh, “well, Pidge, there comes a time in every woman's life- and sometimes a man's, if he was biologically born a female- that Mother Nature comes around with a very special gift...”

 

…

 

As it turned out, Alteans _didn't_ have periods, nor did they have any sort of feminine hygiene products, and Allura was just as alarmed as Pidge to hear about the horror that was menstruation.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Pidge stopped Shiro halfway through his explanation, her hands raised in front of her. “You mean this is _normal_? Bleeding out of my-”

“Yes, yes, it is, Pidge.”

“And- and it's going to happen _every month_? For an entire _week_?!”

“Well, some cycles can be as short as three days, and some can be as long as almost two weeks-”

“ _Almost two weeks_?! That's _half of a month_ , Shiro! How does someone even _function_ with blood coming out of them for _two weeks_?”

“Most only last one week, Pidge-”

But the green paladin was on a roll. “And you can't even stop it? It comes with cramps and grumpiness and all sorts of other side-effects, and _guys don't have to deal with it_?!”

Shiro winced, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well... that's the general gist of it.”

Pidge let out an outraged shout, falling back against the bed and pulling her pillow to her face, screaming into it. Shiro flinched at the sound, but allowed Pidge the sweet release and merely massaged her knee gently in response.

“How is this even _fair_?!”

 _I've been asking myself the same thing for this entire conversation_ , Shiro thought to himself.

“Well, there's some good things about this,” he told her.

Wrenching the pillow from her face, Pidge glowered at him. “Like _what_?”

“Well, I mean... you can have kids now? Not _now_ , now, because you are _way_ too young to even _think_ about having sex- and that is a conversation we are _not_ having.” _Because dammit we **will** find the Commander and he **will** explain to his daughter the merits of safe sex, because I already had to have that conversation with Keith and I will **not** have it again!_

“I don't _want_ kids!” Pidge exclaimed. “I'm returning Mother Nature's gift! Nuh-uh. Don't want it. Nope! No sir-ee! Someone else can have it, for all I care. Do periods come with gift receipts?”

Shiro chuckled, patting Pidge's leg tenderly. “I'm afraid not.”

“Uuuuugh. This. Is. The. _Worst._ ”

 

…

 

Pidge came to find that, as much as she hated Mother Nature and everything her period brought- including night sweats, cramps, insomnia, and cravings for food that could only be found on Earth (billions of miles away)- that there were a few things she liked about that time of the month. After her first horrific blood-bath, in which the boys all steered clear of her for an entire week and Shiro had to deal with Pidge's mood swings and cravings all by himself, Pidge found a few things about her menstruation to be even _enjoyable_. Well, not her _menstruation_ exactly, but the way the others reacted to it.

After a long chat with the rest of the team- which Pidge fortunately did not have to be there for- Shiro drove into the boys just what Pidge was going through. He told them about the pain and the cravings and everything that came with her monthly cycle. He even educated Allura and Coran on just what went on within the human body during a cycle. Of course, the Alteans were horrified upon hearing that their poor number five was going through such menacing biological torture. However upon Shiro's assurances that periods were a normal thing for some humans, Allura and Coran were slightly placated.

One thing was for sure. After their long, arduous conversation, the team came out of the common room with new perspectives.

Lance, having four sisters, an aunt, and a mother all living under the same roof, came around the quickest. Whenever Pidge was on her cycle and was curled up in a ball in her room, Lance would drag her out into the commons and wrap her up in the fluffiest blankets he could find. He made a full-out pillow fort once and made up a rhyming game for the two to entertain themselves with. He told her stories about his little sisters and brothers, and listened when she went on monologues about her newest projects.

Allura and Coran were the next to try and help Pidge out during her cycle. After getting over what barbaric terrors the human body was capable of, the two put their heads together and managed to procure old Altean remedies for the green paladin. Allura provided a sort of pink gelatin to mix in with cold bath water that would relax Pidge's sore muscles. Coran pulled out a homemade recipe for an odd sort of drink that could only be compared to herbal tea in the form of jello. It managed to relax Pidge though and evened out her mood swings well enough.

Hunk was just as loving as ever, spending most of his time in the kitchen to cure Pidge's cravings. A recent visit to the space-mall had provided him with the means to create a type of alien peanut butter. Sure, it was a grotesque purpley-green with lumps that melted upon touching your tongue, but it smelt and tasted like peanut butter. When Pidge had first tasted it, she cried and hugged Hunk until the yellow paladin couldn't breathe. Then the two had set about baking peanut butter cookies, which Pidge hoarded in her room within a password-encrypted safe.

Keith had never had much experience with women, familial or otherwise. But he was good at reading body language. Keith was the first to be able to tell when Pidge was on her period, and he would quietly alert the others. Whenever Pidge's body language was coiled and tense, Keith would rub the back of her neck nonchalantly. Whenever her shoulders shook and her eyes glistened, Keith would take her into a tender hug. Pidge was the only one who received such treatment from the red paladin, and only when she was on her cycle. Lance had made a joke once about it, and Pidge had shocked him with her bayard.

Out of all of them, Shiro was her biggest help. Savior of the Period Crises, Pidge jokingly called him. It was Shiro who had explained to her what was happening- that she wasn't dying- and it was Shiro who took her to the space mall on an adventure to find something that could function as a maxi pad. Pidge was almost surprised at how knowledgeable Shiro was about the subject, which led to an in-depth conversation about the man's late mother.

“She told me I needed to know everything about it for my future daughter,” Shiro had chuckled as he ruffled Pidge's hair. “I just never knew I'd have a little brat so soon.”

“Hey! I resent that!”

“You mean resemble?”

“Oh god, _Dad jokes_. Maybe you _are_ my Space-Dad. We should get that printed on a mug. Or a tee-shirt. _Space-Dad_.”

And of course, Pidge had to spread the Space-Dad joke around, which brought on even _more_ jokes when Allura called him that (Shiro had whacked the back of Lance's head multiple times due to varying degrees of innuendo).

Shiro would answer any questions Pidge had as best he could. He let her sit out of training (to the boys' obvious jealously), brought her dinner to her quarters, and helped her battle her insomnia with tales of her father and brother on during the expedition to Kerberos.

Over all, Pidge came to not hate her period. She never enjoyed it, but she developed a strange sense of gratitude towards Mother Nature when Lance gathered everyone together for movie night. Allura and Coran managed to wrangle some old Altean films from the dusty back rooms of the castleship, setting up a projector to display the films onto the wall of the common room. Hunk would have already prepared for the long night ahead of them, having spent all day baking cookies and delivering them to the team on a silver platter. Keith would card his fingers through Pidge's hair oh-so casually, and Shiro would allow the girl to cuddle up next to him for warmth.

And maybe, Pidge told herself, just maybe, being stuck in space with her rag-tag crew of dorks wasn't so horrible.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I hope that wasn't too OOC. I knew it was going to be just because of the prompt of the story, but I just HAD to write it!! I just NEEDED some gratuitous Space Dad Shiro and Precious Pidge... ((Also, Lance being a Bro and Keith having Feelings was high up there, too))
> 
> Lance and Pidge are dorks, and Lance TOTALLY calls Pidge 'Pidgeot'.
> 
> Also, it is CANON (in season 2) that Coran calls Pidge (endearingly, of course) "Number 5", so I reference her as that in this fic.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!!


End file.
